What’s up with that?

Administration implements mandatory two-person camel suit policy

Maddie De Pree

camelDECATUR, GA – Following a series of complaints about the dress code, Decatur administration recently launched a “two-person camel suit policy,” which mandates that pairs of students cram inside a two-person camel costume before entering the building.

“It’s better this way,” an administrator said, while countless camels bumped around blindly on their way to class. “No distractions, no complaints. Plus, they can wear whatever they want inside that suit.”

Before the new policy, administrators simply draped bed sheets over students as they entered the building “so no student would be distracted by sensual kneecaps, shoulder blades or backs.”

“Then we realized that you could still faintly discern the shapes of some students’ noses, which was, of course, highly distracting,” another teacher said. “The camel suit policy – now, that was genius.”

Students rebelled during the first weeks of the revised dress code. Some refused to wear “standard-issue brown” camel suits and opted for stylish alternatives instead. Decatur administration swiftly struck down camels who wore glitter or the color black.

“That’s the devil’s color,” an administrator clarified.

Some students are relieved that human bodies don’t distract them from their schoolwork anymore. Other students are grumbling about “inconvenience,” saying that “using the bathroom is impossible in this God-forsaken thing.”

“It’s dark in here,” one freshman said, adjusting the head of his camel suit. “I haven’t breathed fresh air for days. I’ve actually forgotten who’s in here with me. Hey, are you okay back there?”

The back half of the camel had no comment.

The dress code only recently went universal. At first, the school only forced this policy on Decatur girls – “you know, the distracting sex,” one administrator said.

“Then we figured, hey, who wouldn’t want to spend all day inside a 90 degree camel suit?” she said. “Get in there already, all of you.”

The policy could change as early as fall 2016. Administration admitted that they “might need to shake it up next year,” and may add a stately three-person camel suit to the mix.

At press time, administrators were calming a riot on the red hall after a camel walked in wearing a spaghetti-strap tank top.