50 Shades of Pointless


When 50 Shades of Grey made its debut as a published novel, most of us teenagers were intrigued. The idea of this book’s beginnings as Twilight fanfiction to bestseller made us wonder how good the book was. The book’s accomplishment in sales that surpassed Harry Potter on Amazon’s British website also made our curiosity grow.

Last year, a friend of mine brought a copy of the first book of the 50 Shades trilogy to school. We all finally understood the appeal of it. None of us could stop laughing about the infinite ‘holy cows’ uttered from the heroine, Anastasia Steele, during her encounters with Christian Grey. We also enjoyed reading the hilarious grammar mistakes aloud. Although the author’s intention genre was erotica, to us, the book was a perfect work of Twilight parody.

Making this book into a movie, though, doesn’t make sense.

If most of the errors that made the book funny are omitted, the plot of the movie results in a submissive heroine channeling her ‘inner [sex] goddess’ and the impossible existence of a gorgeous 26-year-old billionaire who happens to be a trained pilot and speaks French fluently.

The screenwriters have taken on a daunting dilemma. For the movie to stay loyal to the book, the entire movie will have to consist of pure pornography, which is something that the screenwriters won’t be able to do. For this reason, making a legitimate movie out of this book will fail to satisfy the fans because of the deviation from the nonexistent plot.

According to Entertainment Weekly, a budget of roughly $40 million have gone down the drain. I hope that the Hollywood studios that bought the movie rights have insurance, because the blow of yet another movie failure will set them back for some time when it comes on Feb. 15, 2015.